Hi everyone,
This is just an update on my life and why I went missing again and didn't post.
About August last year, something happened which cause me to go into depression again as there was a matter that I couldn't solve no matter what that was related to my housing problem and my daughter. I went down into a spiral and many things happened that lead me into moving out. However, my emotional and psychical self was still at the lowest till about December. With that, I was advised to go for counselling every week and take medication because I couldn't take care of my daughter and myself. I do not have the strength to do anything and I just push whatever I have left for Mizuki.
This lead me to feel that I wasn't doing enough. I wasn't a mom, I couldn't be a mom. Many times I just stone and stare at her. I didn't want her near many people and things. It was just an endless cycle of thinking of all these things because I couldn't get a safe place for my daughter and neither is my house is coming anytime soon. Currently, I am living in a one bedder however it was really small which is hard for me to do things for a very active toddler. But that space is still a safe space for us to get away from the negativity and problem.
In the past, my psychiatrist just said that I'm probably a really sad girl and didn't diagnose me with Depression. That was at least 10 years ago. However, with more and more things that keep piling up I got diagnosed in 2020 when I was pregnant and then it lead to postnatal depression and now I have it from time to time. I can feel the highs and the lows, so I try to maintain myself as much as possible.
Due to this event, if you follow me on social media, my posting dropped drastically. This is because the event was something that got to do with it. The reason? Sadly, my counsellor told me I am forbidden to say it on any public platform and I need to abide by it. Right now, I am still trying to see what I can do for my social media and also how to keep a balance on everything.
I always want to do many things, however, this depression of mine always come after a good momentum of what I am doing and make everything I have done to Zero. I always felt like a failure. That I can never finish what I started. I can never go on because it just brings me down and down. Till today, I am trying to see if I can live off the medication and still go on daily and strive to do what I want constantly.
I hope with this, all of you have a better picture of what I am going through and why I am posting less on every platform I am on. I still dream of posting more content and sharing so much more things to everyone, however, I think that will only be possible once my house is here and I can get my life back on track. Hopefully, it will be done by mid of this year.
Love, Cerise Sweet.
This lead me to feel that I wasn't doing enough. I wasn't a mom, I couldn't be a mom. Many times I just stone and stare at her. I didn't want her near many people and things. It was just an endless cycle of thinking of all these things because I couldn't get a safe place for my daughter and neither is my house is coming anytime soon. Currently, I am living in a one bedder however it was really small which is hard for me to do things for a very active toddler. But that space is still a safe space for us to get away from the negativity and problem.
In the past, my psychiatrist just said that I'm probably a really sad girl and didn't diagnose me with Depression. That was at least 10 years ago. However, with more and more things that keep piling up I got diagnosed in 2020 when I was pregnant and then it lead to postnatal depression and now I have it from time to time. I can feel the highs and the lows, so I try to maintain myself as much as possible.
Due to this event, if you follow me on social media, my posting dropped drastically. This is because the event was something that got to do with it. The reason? Sadly, my counsellor told me I am forbidden to say it on any public platform and I need to abide by it. Right now, I am still trying to see what I can do for my social media and also how to keep a balance on everything.
I always want to do many things, however, this depression of mine always come after a good momentum of what I am doing and make everything I have done to Zero. I always felt like a failure. That I can never finish what I started. I can never go on because it just brings me down and down. Till today, I am trying to see if I can live off the medication and still go on daily and strive to do what I want constantly.
I hope with this, all of you have a better picture of what I am going through and why I am posting less on every platform I am on. I still dream of posting more content and sharing so much more things to everyone, however, I think that will only be possible once my house is here and I can get my life back on track. Hopefully, it will be done by mid of this year.
Love, Cerise Sweet.